


Contact

by axiumin



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gender-neutral Reader, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Other, POV Second Person, Reaction, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-18 18:43:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17586278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/axiumin/pseuds/axiumin
Summary: Your insecurity makes it hard for you to handle skin contact.





	1. Xiumin

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a request by tumblr user @deadlyflowers: "exo reaction to their s/o being super insecure and not liking being touched on bare skin pls:(( thank u bby"
> 
> Cross-posted from tumblr. Come say hi @axiumin!

It was a beautiful spring day, and the world seemed to be shaking off the residual chill of winter. People lingered outside, resuming old positions on park benches or familiar walking trails, content in the returning warmth.

You, unfortunately, weren’t so thrilled. Spring was beautiful, yes, but it brought with it a whole host of problems for you, including an end to your favorite season.

You tugged on the long sleeve of your cardigan, pulling it further down your arm even as the material tried to stick to the light layer of sweat that was gathering on your skin. You felt flushed and uncomfortable in the early afternoon sun, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to suggest going back inside when Minseok looked so at ease lying on the picnic blanket beside you.

The two of you had been together for about half a year now— a _wonderful_ half year. And it was wonderful still, especially when Minseok proved to be the kind of sweet, thoughtful boyfriend to plan a picnic lunch at the first hint of fair weather.

He’s also the kind of sweet, thoughtful boyfriend to be able to somehow pick up on your mood, even with his eyes closed, apparently.

“Are you too warm?” he asked, opening his eyes to look at you with concern. You shrugged, acutely uncomfortable. You knew where this was going to go next.

See, though your relationship with Minseok so far had been lovely and perfectly supportive so far, you’d only really been together through autumn and winter so far— and that had meant long sleeves and cozy, oversized sweaters and cuddling with plenty of blankets.

But now it was short sleeve season, and you were dreading having to deal with the problems that came with it.

“Really, Y/N,” Minseok insisted. “I bet you’d feel a lot more comfortable if you took your sweater off. There’s a nice breeze.”

You bit your lip, considering for a moment if it would be worth telling him the truth now. Well, you supposed he’d figure out one way or another, so why not?

“I prefer long sleeves,” you said softly. Feeling vulnerable, you tugged said sleeves further down your arm, trying to hide yourself all the way to your fingertips. “I’m… really uncomfortable with people touching my skin. And I know it’s impossible to always be able to avoid having people touch me— there’s accidents, or people forget.”

Minseok was sitting up now, with that considering look that showed you that he was intently listening to what you said.

“Long sleeves just provide an extra barrier, you know? They help make sure those accidents don’t happen.” You shrugged, not sure how you could explain the sickly, shivery feeling that settled in your stomach whenever you felt someone brush against your bare skin. It wasn’t ideal, you knew, but it was a part of who you were.

“Y/N,” Minseok murmured, ducking his head to catch your eye. He smiled softly when his gaze met yours. “I want to make sure you’re as comfortable as possible. I know you’re uncomfortable with people touching your skin, but I also know you’re overheated right now. I’m going to leave this up to you, but if you feel like you want to try taking off your sweater for just a bit to cool down, I’ll be careful not to touch your skin.”

You stared at him with wide eyes, surprised. You weren’t sure how he’d react. He was never anything short of kind and considerate to you, of course, but you knew your sensitivity to skin-to-skin contact was odd. Usually, if you told people about it, they’d tell you that you were overreacting. Or even worse, they’d try to touch you just to see how you’d react.

As you looked into Minseok’s sweet, open face, you knew he had no ulterior motive here. The feeling of a sweat bead slipping down your back made up your mind. Slowly, you slipped your arms free of your sweater sleeves, sighing in relief at the breeze that cooled your overheated skin. Beside you, Minseok beamed, maintaining a safe distance as promised.

“Do you feel better, Y/N?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you replied, closing your eyes and tilting your head back, basking in the warm spring afternoon.

Despite the inches separating you and Minseok, you’d never felt closer.


	2. Suho

You’d always been a careful person. You’d learned early on in life how just paying a bit more mind to people’s movements or speech or even your own position in a room could help you avoid unwanted contact with others. Sometimes people noticed the way you seemed to shy away from others, keeping careful distance from overenthusiastic gestures or otherwise innocuous touches on the arm or hand. You’d been called out for being shy before, and you’ve been accused of being cold and distant. Neither one of these were perfectly true, but it was easier to go along with it.

In reality, you were just uncomfortable with touch, plain and simple. There were people who thrived on physical contact with others, always spreading cheer with friendly pats or hugs or whatnot, but for you, the feeling of skin-to-skin contact always made you hyper-aware of yourself in a way that set you off-balance and uncomfortable.

So, you were careful, and you managed quite successfully to step aside or gently deter any touches before they could happen.

However, as successful as your avoidance usually was, it required some degree of constant vigilance. The problem came, then, when you let your guard down.

You were sitting on opposite ends of the couch with Junmyeon, quite absorbed in an article you were reading. Junmyeon never complained about a lack of cuddling between you two. He recognized the other ways you preferred to show your love for him, and for the two of you, sometimes just spending time together was enough comfort.

Junmyeon softly closed his book, no longer able to deny the thirst that had been scratching at his throat. He stretched with a soft groan and turned to face you, smiling when he saw your focus.

“I’m going to get something to drink. Want anything?” he offered.

You blinked, forcing your eyes to focus on Junmyeon instead of the text of your article. You offered him a small smile.

“I’m good, thank you. Just don’t stay away for too long,” you added sweetly.

Junmyeon smiled and naturally rested a hand on your bare calf, gently rubbing his thumb against your leg. The unexpected contact jolted you out of the lazy contentment that had set the pace for the afternoon. Instinctively, you gasped and jerked your leg away from his touch as if you’d been burned.

Junmyeon froze, hand still suspended where it had been, expression quickly morphing from happiness to concern.

“Y/N!” he gasped, hesitating as if catching himself from reaching out. “A-are you hurt? I’m so sorry!”

You just shook your head. Now that the initial shock had worn off, you had to swallow back the wave of embarrassment and guilt that crashed over you.

“Junmyeon,” you started, shifting so that your legs were safely tucked under you and your body was facing him. “I didn’t mean to startle you like that. I just… It was just a reflex. I’m not hurt, I promise.”

He was still frozen in place, uncertain how to make things better. You sighed and carefully took his hands in yours, pushing aside your instinctive self-consciousness. The gesture seemed to comfort him, and his shoulders relaxed as he let his arms slowly lower.

“I’m sorry,” you said. “It’s just— physical contact, you know? I’m not exactly comfortable with it. I didn’t even think.” You shook your head at yourself.

Junmeyon was shaking his head, too.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I know you don’t like touch. I should have been more aware of what I was doing.” He swallowed and looked down at your joined hands, giving a light squeeze before releasing you. You were suddenly, fiercely grateful for his respect for your boundaries.

The tension slowly diffused, and you smiled at each other.

“So, you said you wanted something to drink, right? How about I make us some tea?”


	3. Lay

You’d never really gotten around to explaining your aversion to touch to your boyfriend, which you realized was kind of bad form. But many of your first dates involved the two of you just smiling at each other, shy and sweet, so it’s not like it’s a topic that naturally came up.

Except now you two were finally official, and while you were absolutely on cloud nine, you were presented with a new challenge: Yixing, it turned out, loved touch.

At first, you’d tried to be a good sport about it. To be fair, hand-holding wasn’t as bad as you remembered, and if your palms had grown a bit clammy out of nervousness the first time you two held hands, well, Yixing sure didn’t bring it up. Really, it was the other things that posed more of a problem. Every time the back of his hand brushed against the bare skin of your arm, or he pressed a kiss, feather-light, to your knuckles, your stomach erupted into butterflies. And then, not a moment later, those butterflies turned to lead and made your stomach sink.

You knew you needed to talk to Yixing about it, establish some boundaries and figure out what would work best for your relationship while it was still early, but every time you tried to bring it up, the words got stuck in your throat.

So you resorted to the next-best method and began avoiding his touch like the plague.

The first time he reached out to you and you leaned away from his touch, his face clouded over in hurt and confusion.

“Y/N?” he asked, worried.

“Let’s go look at that park over there!” you suggested, derailing the conversation before it could start.

You grabbed his hand— a safe form of contact for you— and smiled, easing his worries away.

The same strategy worked the next time, and then the time after that. You began to think that maybe avoidance was the way to go, no matter what any self-help book told you to the contrary.

However, it didn’t take long for the effectiveness to wear off. Soon, Yixing’s confused looks began to linger even after you grabbed his hand or offered a convenient distraction. And not long after that, the confusion began to be replaced by plain hurt.

It didn’t take long for avoidance to stop working altogether. Yixing raised a hand to the small of your back, intending to gently guide you in the right direction, but you picked up your pace just enough for his hand to meet empty air.

“I think we need to go this way!” you blurted, your latest attempt at distraction. It took you a moment to realize what while you had sped up, Yixing had stopped walking.

You came to an abrupt halt, turning to look back at Yixing. You swallowed when you saw his face, his brow furrowed and mouth tugged down at the corners. He looked upset, plain and inescapable.

“Y/N,” he started, making no move to close the distance between you two. “You always avoid my touch. Do you… not like me anymore? Is this not working for you?”

A spike of fear shot through you, cold and unforgiving.

“Yixing, no!” you protested, taking a hesitant step forward. But he was already shaking his head.

“I feel like you’re pulling away from me, Y/N. I don’t want to make you feel like you’re obligated to be with me if that’s not what you want. We’ve been together for a couple of months now, and we barely even touch each other.”

Desperate not to lose him, you closed the distance between you and grabbed one of his hands, folding it within yours and, after a moment’s hesitation, pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles the same way he had for you once.

“It’s me,” you explained, desperate for him to understand. “I can hold hands. I can even try hugging. I can kiss.” You punctuated this with another soft press of lips to his hand. “But… I just can’t handle a lot of skin-to-skin contact. It makes me nervous in a way I can’t explain. But please, Yixing, don’t think this has anything to do with how I feel for you. I care for you so much already. I just should have told you this earlier instead of avoiding you.”

Yixing was quiet for a moment, his gaze considering.

“You really should have told me earlier,” he said, voice soft. “But I’m glad you finally did tell me.”

You sighed, losing some of the tension in your shoulders.

“I’m really sorry, Yixing.” He shook his head again.

“Let’s put this behind us, Y/N. I want to move forward with our relationship, with you. For now, we should focus on figuring out what works for us and what doesn’t.”

You nodded, smiling slightly and leaning in.

“Well, kissing works for me.”

Yixing smiled back.

“It works for me, too.”


	4. Baekhyun

Baekhyun was _energetic_ , to say the least. Within the context of your relationship, it meant he was often the one dragging you on adventures, coaxing you out of your comfort zone and shamelessly piling on the charm to soothe away any annoyance.

But as much of a whirlwind of color and sensations your relationship could be at times, it was also a source of comfort.

Baekhyun wasn’t just energetic. He was also kind, loving, considerate. He looked out for you and supported you, and he recognized the difference between pushing your buttons to get a rise out of you and respecting the boundaries that needed respecting.

That meant that as touchy and physically affectionate as Baekhyun was, he was always careful to express his affection for you in ways you were comfortable with. And when it came to avoiding touching your skin, well, he didn’t seem to have any shortage of ways to work around that. This included, but was not limited to, cuddles with _lots_ of blankets.

Today, it seemed, was a cuddly sort of a day. No sooner had you closed your apartment door behind you than Baekhyun had grabbed you by your sleeve and dragged you to your bedroom. He promptly pulled the comforter off of the bed and wrapped it around you, effectively transforming you into a particularly cozy burrito. Then, he wrapped his arms around you, blanket and all, and began what promised to be a very comfortable snuggling session.

“What, no ‘welcome home’?” you teased, wiggling around inside your blanket cocoon so you could face Baekhyun. He beamed at you.

“I missed you,” he said simply. He pressed a kiss against the top of your head.

You sighed, melting into the comfort of his embrace. It never ceased to amaze you how Baekhyun could make you feel so at ease.

You knew it wasn’t easy to be in a relationship sometimes. Seeing other couples hold hands and kiss and touch without fear of triggering anxiety episodes reminded you that you weren’t normal. Plenty of past flings had confirmed that for you, too. You were difficult, sensitive, easy to set off.

But Baekhyun never made you feel like you were weird or difficult. He never complained about the way he wasn’t allowed to freely touch. He just asked if it was okay to brush a hand against your arm or pull you into a hug, and if it wasn’t a good time for it, he just as easily accepted your answer and moved on. Ironically, it was his easy acceptance of every part of you that made you wish you could touch people more than any sort of insult or scorned lover ever had.

“Baekhyun?”

“Hmm?” Baekhyun, who had relaxed fully into the cuddling session while your thoughts were whirling away, opened his eyes halfway.

“I wish I could let you touch me more.”

His eyes opened fully.

“Y/N? Where did this come from?”

You shrugged, averting your gaze.

“You’re just so patient with me, Baekhyun. I want to repay your kindness somehow, make things easier for you.” You shrugged again, not sure how else to explain it.

“You don’t have to do anything to repay me, Y/N. I’m not doing any sort of favor by not touching you when you don’t want it. I do it because I love and respect you and I want you to be comfortable with me.”

“See? That’s exactly it! You do and say things like that, and I just wish that I could pay you back!”

Baekhyun just frowned thoughtfully.

“You really want to repay me, Y/N?” he asked slowly.

You nodded.

“Then just be happy!” he finished, smiling and leaning in to quickly kiss your nose.

You flushed, pleased and just a tiny bit bashful.

“I already am happy, Baekhyun. More than you know,” you said softly.


	5. Chen

You let out a shaky exhale as a warm hand clasped your bare shoulder, simultaneously anchoring and unsettling. You forced yourself to focus on the feeling of the touch against your skin; shying away or trying to block out the feeling would defeat the purpose of this exercise.

“Is this okay?” Jongdae asked, voice low and careful.

You nodded, opening your eyes to look at him. He looked a bit worried, just around the eyes, but he made no move to pull away. Jongdae had agreed to try to help you, and you knew he would stay true to his word.

“Yeah, it‘s okay.”

In truth, you weren’t sure exactly what finally pushed you to talk to a therapist about your touch aversion. Skin-to-skin contact had been a trigger for your anxiety ever since you were a young child. You knew it was closely tied to your self-consciousness. Somehow, skin contact always made you even more aware of yourself, and this wasn’t exactly a good thing when you were already prone to being hyper-critical of yourself.

But you were working on that, one step at a time, and Jongdae had supported you wholeheartedly throughout the process of going to therapy and facing your insecurities. That was why it had to be him to help you get used to touch. The hand that pressed steadily against your shoulder was the same hand that would always pull you to your feet whenever you were low. It was the hand that carefully took yours and guided you home.

You let out another breath, less shaky now, and reached up to lace your fingers with Jongdae’s, pressing his hand firmer against your shoulder. You smiled at him. You didn’t feel quite steady yet, but you knew that there would be someone to catch you if you lost your footing.

“It’s going to be a long road to get to being fully okay with touch. And I’m not sure if I’ll ever fully be okay,” you warned.

Jongdae, the only person who has seen the ugliest parts of you and loved you all the same, just smiled.

“That’s okay. We’ll go as far as you want, and we’ll go together.”


	6. Chanyeol

Cat-and-mouse wasn’t a perfect description for your interactions with Chanyeol. It was more that the two of you seemed to circle each other, exchanging flirtations and suggestions, but never making any move to close the gap between you two.

You knew that Chanyeol was waiting for you to take initiative. He had laid his cards out, let you know exactly what we wanted and who you were dealing with. It was you who held something back, hesitating instead of taking what was clearly for the offering.

This is how it usually went. You’d flirt, you’d develop chemistry, you’d go on a date or two— and then you’d stop yourself before you got too greedy. You knew that people didn’t want to date people like you. You were fussy and difficult. You were unable to compromise when it came to how much affection and what kind of affection was the right balance for a relationship. Or at least that’s what your past flings had told you.

It wasn’t ideal to listen to the bitter things exes said to you, you knew. But there was truth to what they said; as long as you were unable to show someone the type of affection they needed, there would be a piece missing from your relationship.

Somehow, it was hard to keep this in mind when you were staring at Chanyeol’s sweet, smiling face.

“Yah, Y/N, it’s a nice day today, isn’t it?” he asked, eyes sparkling with a hint of mischief.

You smiled despite yourself, pulled in by his charm and his honest sweetness.

“It sure is, Chanyeol,” you answered, ready to play along with his latest game.

“A nice day to ask someone out on a date, too?” And oh, that was real hope in his face, a strange vulnerability where you normally saw easy charm and confidence.

Normally, this is where you’d deflect. Make a teasing comment, resume your harmless circling of one another. Or perhaps, if this were someone else, you would have stopped things here, before they could progress into more dangerous territory. But there was something about that hope on his face that made you feel a little bit of hope, too. His vulnerability made you want to be vulnerable.

So your flirty smile slipped away, replaced by seriousness.

“Chanyeol, I need you to know. I’m not… able to do the things a partner usually does. I can’t give you the affection you want.”

You explained it all to Chanyeol— the fear that seizes in your chest against your will when someone touches your bare skin, the hot shame that follows once you realize that you’ve overreacted again. Throughout it all, Chanyeol listened intently, considering. He only spoke once you were finished.

“You were wrong when you said you can’t give me what I want, Y/N. I want _you_.”


	7. D.O.

You first noticed it when you were young. As a child, you never felt truly comfortable unless you were wearing a sweater, something cozy to keep you warm and protect you from the outside world. Even in the summer, you’d cry unless you were allowed to wear long sleeves.

As you grew older, this compulsion faded a bit and you were able to enjoy bare arms and legs and contact with others.

But then it came back, and this time it brought with it debilitating waves of self-consciousness that made you pull back from others, preferring the safety of your own company over the judgment of others. Eventually, this phase passed, too, and you were able to touch and be touched without fear.

It didn’t take you too long to figure out a pattern. In times of high stress, something would change, and you would feel the familiar waves of anxiety and self-deprecation that made you unable to connect with people as easily as you usually could. Touch usually exacerbated this.

You could always tell when you were on the verge of another phase of this. You usually found it more difficult to focus, or you would start second-guessing your actions, impeding your ability to perform simple tasks. Most of all, you were more critical of yourself.

Lately, the stress from work had been getting to you. The tension settled like an itch under your skin, setting you on edge and making you restless. It showed in your mannerisms: you began tugging at your sleeves, teasing the ends of your hair, biting at your lips. And you began making comments.

“I can’t believe I messed that up _again_. I’m so useless. I look as terrible as I feel today. I can’t seem to get anything right anymore. Why do you even keep me around?”

Kyungsoo did his best to reassure you whenever you made a self-deprecating comment, but this last remark was the final straw for him.

“Why do you say that about yourself, Y/N?” he asked, brow furrowed in concern. Somehow, he looked as hurt as if you had asked why you kept _him_ around.

“I don’t know,” you replied, frustrated. “Because it’s true?” But even as you offered that response, you knew it wasn’t quite right. And Kyungsoo certainly wouldn’t accept it.

He went to rest a comforting hand on your shoulder, but you couldn’t stand the thought of someone— anyone— touching you right now. You flinched back, and Kyungsoo froze, shocked.

“Y/N,” he said after a moment, voice soft and careful. “There’s something going on. What’s been bothering you lately? What has you so worked up?” You were thankful that he didn’t try to touch you again.

You found yourself once again tugging at the sleeves of your shirt.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled. “I just…” You sighed, feeling another wave of frustration. “I just get like this occasionally. Sometimes things become too much and this is the stupid way my body reacts. I get all worked up and I can’t help but see all of my problems. And I can’t stand it when people touch me.”

Kyungsoo nodded in understanding.

“Let me try to help you, Y/N. I’d like to try to share some of your burdens with you, if you’d let me. Whatever you want me to do, whatever you need me to be, I’ll be here with you.”


	8. Kai

You were always an easy-going, flowy sort of person. You were slow to anger and quick to laugh, preferring to approach any situation with kindness and easy charm. You seemed unshakeable, steady in your good humor.

Perhaps this was why Jongin was shocked when he touched you, a brush of his hand against your upper arm, and you froze, eyes wide and face pale.

“Y/N?” he asked, suddenly nervous.

You forced yourself to unfreeze. You tried smiling at Jongin, but you knew that it was shaky. Jongin only looked more concerned.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” He moved as if to touch your arm again, but he froze when your expression went deer-in-the-headlights on him again.

Slowly, he looked between your face and his hand, and you could see the calculations running through his mind. You knew he had finished processing the situation when he turned large, sad eyes on you.

“You don’t like it when I touch you?” he asked, voice small.

You sighed, bringing your arms up to hug yourself. It was always difficult to explain.

“It’s not just you, Jongin,” you started, voice soft. “It’s just a thing I have with everyone. I like people— _love_ them, even—” at this, you gave him a meaningful look, “but I just get sort of… freaked out by skin contact.”

Fortunately, Jongin looked more thoughtful than sad now.

“Why?” Ah, now that was the question.

You shrugged.

“I’m not sure why, exactly. Maybe it’s my insecurity, maybe it’s just a thing that people like me have.” Honestly, you had long since stopped asking yourself why you were the way you were. It was more important for you to focus more on how to work around your touch aversion than for you to fully understand it.

Jongin nodded slowly.

“So, just to clarify, you do enjoy being around people, but you just don’t like being touched on your skin?”

You smiled.

“Yep. That’s the gist of it.”

“Okay, got it. But you’ll let me know if there’s something else I need to be aware of, right? I don’t ever want to make you uncomfortable.” You were almost astonished at the sheer ease of his acceptance.

“Of course, I promise.”

You were known for being easy-going and carefree, but you had to admit that you were only the way you were because you knew you had people in your life who would love and support you through everything.


	9. Sehun

Sehun had always been a bit bashful with you. Even months after you first started dating, when you were settled into a steady rhythm, when you spoke soft words of love to one another, he would duck his head to hide that sweet smile.

You had grown up being told that relationships weren’t meant to always be easy, that there would be times when you’d have to try hard to make things work. You supposed that you hadn’t yet been with Sehun long enough for you to definitively deny this, but you could at least say that being with him came as naturally as breathing.

The two of you seemed to understand each other perfectly. Your friends sometimes expressed their disbelief when you told them that much of your time spent with Sehun involved a companionable silence, but what use was there in talking all the time when you already knew what each of you needed?

Your love came in different forms: a cup of tea a the right time, the kind of joke that made your head fall back in laughter, smiles that promised that everything would be alright, the comfort of knowing that you were never alone.

You never pressed Sehun to give more of himself to you than he could give; you knew that he was often busy, working hard to achieve his dreams. In return, Sehun understood and respected your boundaries, the way you shied away from touch because it was so easy for a little to become too much when your insecurities got involved.

Still, sometimes you found yourself wondering if things really were as good as they seemed. Doubt was a tricky thing, and it was easy sometimes to lose sight of the difference between true peace and the calm before the storm.

But whenever you asked Sehun about it, he would just smile back and provide you with another form of love: reassurance.


End file.
